Day 1: Big storm over Miami. As we board the plane, they tell us to except a thirty minute delay. Two hours later, we are yet to take off. Will they ever fix the air conditioning? How many ladies do they have to take away on a stretcher before they fix the darn thing? Might as well do hot yoga. Na, no Evian in sight. When you do hot yoga, you gotta have your Perrier or at least an Evian. No such luck here. The flight attendants refuse to serve drinks (you read that right). Some crap about regulations. Two hours later Dung Beetle finally gets a glass of champagne; then a second one. Regulations must have changed. Hurray, the plane is old and there is no wifi. NO AC OR WIFI, DB is horrified. How old is this plane anyway? I have to break the news to you Miss flight attendant, you are no replacement for wifi. Our connection is strictly dial-up. More champagne and chocolate for my flight please.
Day 2: Dung Beetle arrives in Paris. The airport is busy. DB is hot and having to wait 45 minutes for the luggage to show up on the belt does not help the mood. Breathing exercises? Na, too many smells, mostly variations of one note, Eau de Sweat. Taxi ride to Paris-Gare de Lyon, his TGV is long gone. The next train happens to be full. DB waits another 6 hours. Opportunity to do yoga? Na, jet-lagged, dirty (not all beetles like to be dirty) and annoyed, he decides to have a glass of champagne because everybody knows champagne is the next best thing after chocolate. Hold on, the chocolaterie is closed for renovations? I will take another glass s’il vous plaît. After a train ride, a car ride, a meal and a hot shower, DB can start his vacation.
Day 3-5: So many things to do, so many people to see, so much food to eat. Yes, mom, I will eat all my veggies, but please no cheese. DB does not do dairy. I know, I know, it is a sacrilège. DB is tired, happy but jet-lagged. He can do yoga tomorrow.
Day 6: DB notices a problem with his eye. It is painful but he manages. It is not like the time a pesky garcon punched him for sending back la Vichyssoise. Off to rediscover the city where he went to college and do some shopping. Traffic jam on the way back, the whole country is going on vacation. Storms again, three hours on the road. That eye got more painful as the day went on. Forgot about the yoga mat.
Day 7-9: The eye swelled up, DB has to wear sunglasses now that the town people are starting to flee at the sight of him. Fellow dung beetles refuse to touch him. Vision and balance are affected, the yoga mat will stay in the closet.
Day 10: DB drives himself to the doctor in his petite voiture. He can drive, he still has one good eye. The cyclop can’t seem to find the office.which in fact looks more like a waiting room at a veterinarian. After a lecture on Sartre, Cicero and the old man crossing the street, Monsieur le docteur finally gets around to treating me. Prescription in hand, I walk to the apothecary. Crap, it is starting to rain. Could I have wrinkle cream with my antibiotics? I exercised enough for the day. No yoga.
Day 11: DB’s face is swollen, very painful, every movement causes pain. No more jokes, the yoga mat must stay in the closet. DB starts meditating. He does not have his mala but he remembers one trick he learned when he was first learning yoga. He uses his phalanges to count the mantras. Another trick he learned in yoga school: one square of chocolate for each mantra. This is how you know you went to a good school.
Day 12-20: Slowly the swelling goes down and the pain yields to itchiness. Is your finger clean? I am itching right here. Sunglasses are still necessary. Medications are upsetting DB’s body, balance is still a problem. More meditation. Sadness overtakes the house one morning when the call announcing the death of his Godmother comes in, more meditation.
Day 21: DB leaves for Paris, he never saw the color of his mat.
Day 22: DB comes back to Miami. The lack of practice has affected his body. He looks more like a wart hog than a coleoptera.
Day 23: DB teaches yoga for the first time in three weeks. He is mad at himself for letting his body go. What’s that thing about ahimsa?
Day 26: DB sees the doctor again who confirms he indeed looks like a member of the suidae
family. Dung Beetle un cochon? Something is wrong with that image. The morale of the story is that sometimes, no
matter how much you want to, doing yoga is not a good option. Give some time for the body to recover, especially when, like in this case, movement causes pain and balance is affected.
Soon enough you will be ready to start practicing again and getting back to looking like a dung beetle.
Oh no! The goat ate my yoga mat.
By: Eric Semet, MA, RYT-200
Yoga I.S. Instructor
Yoga I.S. Southeast